You can now find me blogging here:
July 18th, 2012 by bumble bee running
You can now find me blogging here:
January 25th, 2012 by bumble bee running
I finally saw the doctor to get the results of the MRI on my knee. This has been a LONG time coming. I ended up basically requesting the MRI after being told that they were pretty confident there was no real damage, that if I did my knee exercise every day for months I would eventually see a difference and be able to run again. That was about a year after completing physical therapy, which lasted two months. The delay was my fault, a mix of procrastination and the vague idea that rest would equal healing. But it didn’t. I wanted the MRI to rule out the chance that it was something more. Running is seriously painful, and it was crazy to think that all that pain was being caused by my knee cap being pulled out of alignment. I needed to know for sure that the doctor was correct, so I felt like I needed the MRI.
Thankfully, the MRI results were good. There is no major damage to any of my ligaments or tendons or muscles or whatever’s going on inside my knee. There is, however, a wearing down of the cartilage due to the way my knee goes off track when I run. Through stretches and other specific (simple but tedious!) exercises, done daily for probably at least six months, the doctor thinks I should see an improvement and be able to run again.
Bright side? The issue is fixable with surgery or ongoing physical therapy, and I can run again. Not-so-bright-side? That’s pretty much what the doctor told me before the MRI, which my insurance didn’t totally cover, so basically I spent $700 to find out something I was already told. James says that knowing for sure what’s going on is worth it, but I think he just knows I feel bad and is trying to make me feel better. I’d rather have spent $700 on other things, like the fabulous Coach bag I’ve been daydreaming about (isn’t she beautiful?!)…
or maybe a chair or chaise lounge for our oddly proportioned, still partly empty living room that I can’t figure out what to do with.…
But alas, that is not what happened. Instead, I have a disc full of pictures of the inside of my knee cap…and the realistic hope that someday soon, I’ll be able to run without pain. I suppose that’s better than the Coach bag anyway (although for $700, I could have had the matching wallet, too).
January 18th, 2012 by bumble bee running
So, it seems that this is the second time I’ve been on Weight Watchers. Or, the third. I don’t know. My point just is, it’s not the first time. So what’s different now? Well, lots, but also…nothing. I mean, nothing is different that’s going to magically make me lose the weight and (here’s the important part) stick to it. I’m just renewing my commitment and hoping it works, really.
Here’s the thing: I really do believe in Weight Watchers. It didn’t fail me. I failed me. I got carried away. I can’t remember if I gained the Freshman 15 in college, but I sure gained the Just Married muffin top. Romantic dinners with James, eaten while sitting on the kitchen floor because you don’t have furniture yet kind of necessitate junk food, right? No? Oh…yeah I guess I could have found another way around that. Not the sitting on the floor part, but the pizza & Chinese food part. Ok, so in this picture, I’ve just brought home stuff from the Whole Foods hot bar. But it included mac & cheese and my favorite sea salt milk chocolate covered caramels, so don’t think I was being “good”.
But I didn’t, so here we are. The biggest thing I like about Weight Watchers is it doesn’t tell you NOT to eat things. It just tells you if you want that cupcake, girlfriend, then by all means HAVE IT. You just have to fit it into your day, or your week, and you can’t go crazy. One cupcake is a happy indulgence. Five cupcakes is a problem.
And here’s how I see it: I don’t want to feel like I’m on a “diet”, I want to feel like I’m making steps towards making myself healthier. For me, it’s not just about losing weight. It’s about properly nourishing my body, so that I look good AND feel good. I know that when I pay more attention to what I’m eating and how much activity I’m getting, I make way better choices. And when I make better choices, I feel great. And that, in turn, makes me a better person. It’s never been about perfection, and it isn’t now. It’s about being the best version of me. I know I’m not that me right now. But I’m working to get there.