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Moving On

July 18th, 2012 by bumble bee running

You can now find me blog­ging here:

www.beeforeandafter.com

 

So kneedy: the MRI results are in

January 25th, 2012 by bumble bee running

I finally saw the doc­tor to get the results of the MRI on my knee. This has been a LONG time com­ing. I ended up basi­cally request­ing the MRI after being told that they were pretty con­fi­dent there was no real dam­age, that if I did my knee exer­cise every day for months I would even­tu­ally see a dif­fer­ence and be able to run again. That was about a year after com­plet­ing phys­i­cal ther­apy, which lasted two months. The delay was my fault, a mix of pro­cras­ti­na­tion and the vague idea that rest would equal heal­ing. But it didn’t. I wanted the MRI to rule out the chance that it was some­thing more. Run­ning is seri­ously painful, and it was crazy to think that all that pain was being caused by my knee cap being pulled out of align­ment. I needed to know for sure that the doc­tor was cor­rect, so I felt like I needed the MRI.
Thank­fully, the MRI results were good. There is no major dam­age to any of my lig­a­ments or ten­dons or mus­cles or whatever’s going on inside my knee. There is, how­ever, a wear­ing down of the car­ti­lage due to the way my knee goes off track when I run. Through stretches and other spe­cific (sim­ple but tedious!) exer­cises, done daily for prob­a­bly at least six months, the doc­tor thinks I should see an improve­ment and be able to run again.
Bright side? The issue is fix­able with surgery or ongo­ing phys­i­cal ther­apy, and I can run again. Not-so-bright-side? That’s pretty much what the doc­tor told me before the MRI, which my insur­ance didn’t totally cover, so basi­cally I spent $700 to find out some­thing I was already told. James says that know­ing for sure what’s going on is worth it, but I think he just knows I feel bad and is try­ing to make me feel bet­ter. I’d rather have spent $700 on other things, like the fab­u­lous Coach bag I’ve been day­dream­ing about (isn’t she beautiful?!)…Screen shot 2012 01 23 at 2.24.09 PM 300x262 So kneedy: the MRI results are in

or maybe a chair or chaise lounge for our oddly pro­por­tioned, still partly empty liv­ing room that I can’t fig­ure out what to do with.…

Screen shot 2012 01 23 at 2.33.14 PM 300x209 So kneedy: the MRI results are in

Audra chaise in Glac­ier, cour­testy of La-Z-Boy

But alas, that is not what hap­pened. Instead, I have a disc full of pic­tures of the inside of my knee cap…and the real­is­tic hope that some­day soon, I’ll be able to run with­out pain. I sup­pose that’s bet­ter than the Coach bag any­way (although for $700, I could have had the match­ing wal­let, too).

What’s different this time?

January 18th, 2012 by bumble bee running

So, it seems that this is the sec­ond time I’ve been on Weight Watch­ers. Or, the third. I don’t know. My point just is, it’s not the first time. So what’s dif­fer­ent now? Well, lots, but also…nothing. I mean, noth­ing is dif­fer­ent that’s going to mag­i­cally make me lose the weight and (here’s the impor­tant part) stick to it. I’m just renew­ing my com­mit­ment and hop­ing it works, really.
Here’s the thing: I really do believe in Weight Watch­ers. It didn’t fail me. I failed me. I got car­ried away. I can’t remem­ber if I gained the Fresh­man 15 in col­lege, but I sure gained the Just Mar­ried muf­fin top. Roman­tic din­ners with James, eaten while sit­ting on the kitchen floor because you don’t have fur­ni­ture yet kind of neces­si­tate junk food, right? No? Oh…yeah I guess I could have found another way around that. Not the sit­ting on the floor part, but the pizza & Chi­nese food part. Ok, so in this pic­ture, I’ve just brought home stuff from the Whole Foods hot bar. But it included mac & cheese and my favorite sea salt milk choco­late cov­ered caramels, so don’t think I was being “good”.

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But I didn’t, so here we are. The biggest thing I like about Weight Watch­ers is it doesn’t tell you NOT to eat things. It just tells you if you want that cup­cake, girl­friend, then by all means HAVE IT. You just have to fit it into your day, or your week, and you can’t go crazy. One cup­cake is a happy indul­gence. Five cup­cakes is a prob­lem.
And here’s how I see it: I don’t want to feel like I’m on a “diet”, I want to feel like I’m mak­ing steps towards mak­ing myself health­ier. For me, it’s not just about los­ing weight. It’s about prop­erly nour­ish­ing my body, so that I look good AND feel good. I know that when I pay more atten­tion to what I’m eat­ing and how much activ­ity I’m get­ting, I make way bet­ter choices. And when I make bet­ter choices, I feel great. And that, in turn, makes me a bet­ter per­son. It’s never been about per­fec­tion, and it isn’t now. It’s about being the best ver­sion of me. I know I’m not that me right now. But I’m work­ing to get there.

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